Rocky Road

 

I will be the first to say that last month kicked my butt. I mean it. Has it been hard for you as well? I feel like there is so much we as individuals and as a collective group go through and sometimes we stay silent in our pain. Why is that, I wonder? From hard protests and interactions to little to no warning about a medical emergency my mom had, it has felt a bit like an emotional roller coaster. Currently I can't see my mom or hug her. It’s killing me. So I'm just working to process and understand what’s going on during a really strange time in history, no less.

I knew that our "normal" was over months ago and I threw myself into accepting this wholeheartedly. Getting used to social distancing and missing key parts in the lives of friends and family was and continues to be a struggle. I've called my parents often to tell them,  "I loved you",  and am thinking about them. I've passed up opportunities to see friends and family on numerous occasions so that I would not expose others or my own household to coronavirus. So now with everything going on I am left with mixed emotions. I think I feel sadness, frustration, and impatience. I also feel grateful for many things in my life, don't get me wrong. 

This is just one situation in a whole world of problems that we are all actively experiencing. It’s not fun and it not easy. My point is, that even though the media would make it seem like things are going back to normal, realize that we are still in a very transitional time. The country is even in a particularly tense time too. Things are very fragile and it may feel a bit unstable. It's okay to feel a little overwhelmed.The things we thought were concrete have quickly become distorted. Even what many Americans thought was fact, truth, or history about this country has been painted for us through the lens of biased parties seeking to disillusion us. Maybe your safety net just got pulled out from underneath of you and its hard to find your balance. 

 It has become apparent that the country has a lot of reckoning to do just like we as individuals do. People are being forced to start retelling history, rewiring social and personal lives, reshaping how normalcy is viewed and created. We are defining what exactly is needed to sustain ourselves in life. It is obvious the life others have constructed for some of us aren't working even if its just temporarily. So with this knowledge, I want to tell you that it’s okay to grieve for what has been lost in your life or to be sad that for now things aren't how you or I would want them to be. 

 It's okay to sit in the hurt, sadness, or confusion for a moment. It’s okay to to lean in and feel those emotions and that pain. These circumstances are new for some and old for many, but right now I encourage all of us to really pay attention to how we are processing these days and months. I say this so that we can actually deal with it. We can't just lock it away and think, "Oh, I’ll deal with this later". I think we should experience those feelings and start to heal now, rather than waiting. Face the process head on with the understanding that there is a lot we have yet to learn. 

I'm going to start with a walk and a really deep breath of fresh air. I'll try not to worry too much about my sweet daddy and momma.